you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
