I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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