Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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