It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
