Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
