i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
