hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
