I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
