Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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