I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
