I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
