saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
