i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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