you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
