check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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