Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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