so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
