put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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