So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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