If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
