Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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