just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
