btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
