Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize