maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
