just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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