Someone shit on the floor
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
