I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
