When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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