do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
