So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
