I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
