Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she smelled like a LAN party
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
