4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
