I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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