I'm lost and stupid without you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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