i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
