Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
