Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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