oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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