____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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