He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
