Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
