so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
