i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
