I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
