fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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