my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
