If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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