I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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