Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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