so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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